Yesterday, we were out at a park with my daughter, yet to turn 3. She was attempting to climb a ladder positioned against a tree to reach a fruit. Every one around wanted her to get off immediately after she climbed the first step. As she climbed each step, the cries for her to get off got louder. From their looks, it seemed like they thought I was a careless dad.
I was however absolutely at peace with her climb. I want her to explore, to make mistakes, to fall, to learn, to be wiser from her own experiences and know I am there to guide, motivate, protect and offer companionship at every step of her exploration. I want her safety as much as ours as her parents but I am yet to meet any one who has learnt to ride a bicycle by reading a book or without falling. Making mistakes, failing, dusting off and getting up is an integral part of the learning experience. This is probably the most important learning I will offer her in our journey together. I will coach her to question every thing, take on new challenges and never accept status quo.
A day after this experience, a good friend of mine shared an article “Go Ahead, Let Your Kids Fail“. The message resonated with a caveat.
I don’t believe “it’s ok to fail”. I am ok with trying out new things and challenging the old ways with new thinking with full knowledge that in hindsight some of those paths will evidently be mistakes. I am ok with the outcome of an experimental process being failure but not with the idea of taking on a new initiative being ok with failure from the get-go. There’s a lot of difference between both approaches. It’s ok to experiment and make mistakes but more important is to be able to learn from them, be resilient, hone our instincts & intuition through trial and error, improvise and work towards eventual success.
On experimentation, mistakes and potential failure, I face this dilemma every day in personal life and at work. Some matters aren’t always evident to me – when should I encourage independent thinking and analysis or promote innovation knowing that failure could be an outcome at the expense of limited resources in a growing company? At what age and in which instances is it to too early or too risky to experiment? At what point should you accept the mistake and decide to withdraw? When should I encourage some one to try out new things vs. give them clear direction and expect defined results? After all, not every child or employee is intellectually stimulated, not every one views an opportunity in a problem, not all are curious, not every one is ok with change, not every one is a risk taker, not every one loves math and science, not every one is artistically inclined. The vast majority seek comfort, seek defined rules of the game, are averse to change and wish for social and financial certainty and excel in limited areas.
From my experience, I realize that mistakes are part of an individual’s growth, as well as a company’s. In most cases, mistakes were evident only in hindsight. For the vigilant, there’s the opportunity to correct course as the mistake becomes evident. So, why worry? Why not try out new things?
I will encourage my daughter to follow her natural curiosities. I prefer she fails early and often although I recognize it’s really a life long process with no definitive boundaries. Failure is humbling; exploration & discovery is satisfying and precious. My daughter isn’t as excited and curious about cartoons or books as she is with music, dance, random art, wildlife and the outdoors. That doesn’t worry me for I believe she should only do what makes her heart sing. For that’s when she will give it her best and weather through the storms.
